How to Not Run a Half Marathon

Well, I guess it’s safe to say that my New Year’s resolution of running a half marathon this year has already been checked off the list! I guess I’ll just have to come up with some new, less impressive goals for the rest of the year. Maybe I’ll try to watch an entire season of a TV show in one day, or see how many times I can blink in a minute. The possibilities are endless!

Trust me, I have made every of the following mistakes and learned the hard way about the areas for improvement.

Do it on New Year’s Day.

Nothing says “I’m not taking this seriously” like starting with little to now sleep.

Wear inappropriate cloths.

Who cares if you’ve been training in proper equipment for months? On race day, ditch those and clothing not adapted to the weather instead. It’s really good when you’re too warm while jogging, yet the wind still makes you freeze.

Don’t hydrate. Water is your enemy.

Sure, it’s important to stay hydrated during a long race, but who has time for that? Just forget about drinking any water or sports drinks.

Don’t eat anything before you run

Who needs energy at all? It’s perfectly fine to start in the experience with an expresso and some old cookies from Christmas.

Stretching is for losers

Don’t stretch before the race. Why bother stretching when you can just jump right into the race and let your muscles cramp up within the first few minutes? It’ll be great to hobble the next days.

Eat a pizza afterwards

And of course, the cherry on top of a half marathon is indulging in a big, greasy pizza afterwards. Because if you run the race, you might as well treat yourself to some delicious, carb-filled comfort food. So go ahead and order that extra large pizza and enjoy every guilty bite. You deserve it!

And in the end it was still really good, if you ignore the last 3 kilometers. Everything before that went down pretty smoothly and I got to know completely new parts of Essen.